noses are NOT toyboxes

I remember sitting next to a weird kid in Kindergarten that would eat the play-doh, lick the glue and stick beans up his nose. And I just remembered... IT WAS YOU, WASN'T IT!!!

I kid, I kid. But it does lead me into our adventure for the night. I should back up a few years first, just so you can appreciate the full RBR we experienced. (For those of you who don't know, RBR stands for Random Bursts of Retardation, and with a five year old, a three year old, and a spastic puppy, they are frequent in the Swilor Home.) When Kendall was three she had a serious RBR. She came running into my room first thing in the morning screaming hysterically and I couldn't understand what the problem was. What I heard was, "Help... sob.... Lego.... sob.... hurts.... sob.... scared.... sob.... noooose!" So I tilted her head back and sure enough, there is a grey Lego stuck pretty far up her nose. Sweet. Normally I would say that diving for toys in boogers definitely falls into Dad Duty, but it just so happened that Ethan was deployed and this was all on me.

I didn't know what to do and was trying to figure out if this was worthy of an emergency room visit. I called my older sis who has not only survived but thrived with eight kids (six of which are boys!) only to find out that none of her children have stuck things up their nose. But she suggested some tweezers and asked if I had any. Of course I had tweezers, I'm Italian! It took a couple of tries but the snot block came out and life was good. I realized after the fact that I had never talked to my kids about not sticking things up their noses. There are a lot of things that just seem common sense, but I guess you have to learn some way. It is safe to say that the discussion about not sticking things up your nose has occurred in our home on countless occasions, including every time we pull out the Legos.

Fast forward to tonight. Before the kids could go to bed they had to pick up all the small toys in Kendall's room so our puppy Moosey won't chew them. They have some really cool bead toys that they love to play with, and were busy picking them up when Kendall comes flying down the stairs with a panicky cry. I was trying to decipher her coded message but all I got between the crying was "bead," "nose," and "stuck." Awesome. So I tilt her head back, but I don't see anything. Come on Kendall, how far up there did you stick it? Then down comes Bryan, and he looks really scared. He isn't crying, but he is hardly moving and looking at me with these dark, pleading eyes. So I tilt his head back and sure enough, a little yellow bead is lodged tightly in his wet nostril. I would like someone to explain to me why my children can not wait for their dad to be home before they start this kind of behavior. It is starting to feel like a conspiracy.

The bead is a little larger than a Lego, and with no hole through the middle I don't have any space for my trusty tweezers. So I stuck my finger on the top of his nose just a little lower than his eye and slowly pushed down. It took a little finesse, but I am proud to say the little yellow bead is no longer a facial accessory and is tucked away safely in the circular file box we call a trash can. (Come on, there is no way I could in good conscience put that with the rest of the toys. No amount of soap can wash off the level of hibbie-jibbies on that thing.) Apparently all of our warnings did no good on my child, leaving me to wonder how it is my sister can be 0/8 and I am 2/2. Is it possible my kids are going to be the ones licking the glue in kindergarten as well? All I can say is it's a good thing they are cute!